Many of you naive, soulless traditionalists live blissfully ignorant to the vast potential that awaits you on your impending voyage to the extraordinary realm of
Bothell, Washington. Ah yes, Bothell, Washington… A magical land of enchantment, excitement and exhilaration. Bothell, I say, a mystical land of opportunity, opulence and elegance. A fantastical place that appears somehow shielded of our conventional moral conundrums and ghastly temptations of decadence, debauchery and depravity.


I pose this question to you, random reader, “Is there anything greater than Bothell, Washington?” After much thought and evaluation, followed by re-evaluation and second opinions, I say, “Nay!” There is nothing known to man greater than the sheer sensation of hearing the silent echo of one’s first fanciful footsteps within Bothell. This captivating sound has been known to quiet a discouraged baby and sober a bewildered alcoholic. Persons with a penchant for the paranormal have long believed that the reverberations of said echo have been known to chop mountains into islands. Of course, one may make the educated assumption that given Bothell’s proximity to Seattle, such delusional fabrications can be chalked up to our affinity with Jimi Hendrix. But again, brother, I say, “Nay!”. I must reiterate to you that nothing is outside the boundaries of possibility when the topic is: Bothell, Washington.

At least once in a young man or woman’s lifetime he or she must make the inevitable journey to Bothell, Washington. Perhaps you may consider this a passage into the world of adulthood. Perhaps you may consider this an excursion into the unpredictable and astonishing. No matter how you approach this eventuality, I dare say that no person could ever live a truly fulfilling and gratifying life without first making the hadj to Bothell. Bothell is the epicenter of society. A magnificent mecca for everything that is good and great in the world. These extravagant walls could make a catatonic astronaut weep tears of milk and honey. And yet, do not drink this milk and do not eat this honey, because this astronaut is vegan. Bothell is more than an epicenter. Bothell is more than a mecca. It’s more like, An Epimecca. Yes. That’s it. Bothell is the Epimecca. From thence forth I shall refer to Bothell as “The Epimecca”.

So as I leave this bold and courageous indiscriminate populace to ponder my contemplations, I implore each and every one of you to make the trek to Epimecca, Washington and see for yourself the breathtaking wonders that await.

-David of Epimecca, Washington.

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